Gritty: Great Mascot or Greatest Mastcot? (Or...gasp...neither???)

Newsletter Recipients,

This is not a This is a Newsletter. This is something else. Isn't that something? I don't know. It is a special edition. We are here today for one reason: to talk about Gritty.

I'm sure you're wondering: who is Gritty? This is Gritty.

In one sense, Gritty is the mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers, a pretty good team in the NHL. In another, much more important sense, he is something of a messiah figure, every one of his belly shakes a demonstration of forgiveness for our collective sins, every gyration of his googley eyes a display of his unconditional love.

But that is perhaps too abstract. Who is Gritty?

Here is his actual biography from the actual website of the actual Philadelphia Flyers.

How are we to interpret such a rich text? It is anybody's guess. Though I am but a humble observer, I will do my best to elucidate what is most compelling. Gritty comes from a troubled home (???) and has done his best to turn what could have been considered his bad qualities into good ones. He has found a semi-healthy outlet for his emotions in supporting the brash and boisterous Philadelphia Flyers. His loyalty, ingrained in him from a young age, means that he will continue to be a supporter of the team despite the fact that their arena gentrified him out of his neighborhood. He also likes hot dogs, which is cool. He sort of does look a little like the paste you might get if you took a bunch of hot dogs and hot dog buns and blended them together and put in some mustard or something to lessen the red.

This is all useful, but a biography does not a man make. All one has to do is see the sacrifices he has made for us and one will understand the sheer, forceful beauty of Gritty, the world's greatest furry, orange creature.


Here is Gritty chasing down an enemy to protect us from harm:

Here is Gritty sacrificing his dinner for us:

Here is Gritty leading us into battle:

Gritty is great because Gritty is good. We love Gritty.

A DISSENT BY RACHEL ROWSEY


For many years, Brad has claimed that while there is more than one celebrity that I would leave him for (Scott or Seth Avett, if you’re reading this…hello), there is no one for whom he would ever leave me.

That all changed the day that Gritty emerged from his cave.

Bradley Babendir…loves Gritty. (Editor's Note: I would not leave Rachel for Gritty)

Two of his (Brad’s, not Gritty’s) high school friends were staying with us this weekend, and despite the fact that they both already follow Brad on Twitter, he forced them to look at his tweets and retweets about Gritty. "Get this shit out of my face,” they begged. “What the flying fuck is Goodies?” they asked. Brad did not let up.

A consensus emerged that Gritty looks like something between the hormone monster from Big Mouth and Mr. Blobby from, I guess, England?

All this to say: he’s gross. I hate his belly, I hate his weird beard, I hate his attitude, and I hate the way that Brad looks at him with love in his eyes. Here is a picture of Brad watching a video of Gritty.

The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Brad and Gritty. Gritty should go back to where he came from and leave us all alone. Please call 1-800-GRITTY-IS-SHITTY to pledge your support today. Thank you.

And from both of us, thank you for reading. You'll get another email when you get it.

Brad